Saturday, May 20, 2006

Friday, May 19: All al Qaeda

Peter Bergen is overcome by a tittering fit

Contestants: Robert Wright and Peter Bergen

Peter Bergen can go from a full laugh to complete seriousness in .00038 seconds. Peter Bergen can cross the Nile on a crocodile. Peter Bergen was awarded a Gold Medal in the 1994 Lillehammer Olympics for Biathlon; he didn't compete, but everybody knew he was the best. Peter Bergen met Osama Bin Laden and showed Bin Laden how to reboot when his computer froze.

Peter Bergen can juggle 34 things at once, 35 if he uses his prehensile tail. Peter Bergen once killed a man on the streets of Kandahar for saying "I prefer Fox News." When Peter Bergen met Osama Bin Laden, they spent an hour and a half interviewing, and three hours arm-wrestling. Peter Bergen won every match.

Peter Bergen believes that "the Clash of Civilizations" is in some ways a self-fulfilling prophesy. Peter Bergen also believes in "Yo Momma!" And that Iraq is a perfect training ground for terrorists. But also in "Yo MOMMA!!!!!" Peter Bergen lost to Hamid Karzai in a footrace, but only to boost Karzai's confidence. Peter Bergen believes that US aid after the tsunami has helped change popular opinion about the US in Indonesia. Peter Bergen surfed that tsunami.

Peter Bergen believes that while many in the Muslim world may like Osama Bin Laden, very few actually want to live in Osama Bin Laden's world. Everybody wants to live in Peter Bergen's world. And Peter Bergen knows it.


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